


A Troubling Confession

by DarkwingSnark, Moonbeamcat



Category: Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Diary/Journal, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, but not as hard as a fear boner, relationships are hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 03:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkwingSnark/pseuds/DarkwingSnark, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonbeamcat/pseuds/Moonbeamcat
Summary: A page out of Crane's journal. Batman discovers a new weakness of Scarecrow's, and Crane must now learn how to deal with it.





	A Troubling Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Actually, it's entirely written by Moonie on her own. She just doesn't remember her password. Or email she may have used.

The first time it occurred to me that my obsession might be a… problem, I was utterly humiliated. We were working together, Jervis and I, as we’d done multiple times in the past. It had never before presented itself as a problem. We were professionals, scientists, completely capable of separating our companionship (if one can call it as such) from business. But then Batman had to interfere… which was fine, really. We’d anticipated he might. We were ready for him.

Or so we assumed.

It all happened so fast. I’m still not entirely certain what happened. I do know Batman used my own Fear Toxin against us, once again. He managed to remove Jervis’ gas mask, and the next thing I knew, he was screaming and writhing on the floor. And, so what? I’d seen and heard that countless times before, I am the God of Fear, making others scream is what I do. My very presence demands it! But, this was different. This, was Jervis.

I know what you’re thinking, trust me I do. And you’re wrong. I wasn’t suddenly consumed with fear and guilt for Jervis’ well being like some love sick fool. I did not run to his side, collapse on the floor to assure he was alright. Please. Give me some credit. No, I was consumed with a completely different sort of feeling, one just as disorientating, just as debilitating. And one thousand times more degrading.

I stood there, frozen, unable to flee or fight, even in the presence of the Batman himself. But the look he was giving me wasn’t one of malice, oh no, not in the slightest. He looked… surprised. Concerned? It was then I realized I stood there, like a mindless fool, sporting a rather obvious erection.

Dear God it’s even difficult for me to write this now. But I must continue. If I don’t, I fear I may never rid myself of these memories. This lingering humiliation.

My… condition, however, afforded me one act of mercy; it caused the Batman to look away, to avert his gaze from this awkward situation we found ourselves in. This allowed me to flee, to escape. I left Jervis where he was, and can you blame me? I never would have been able to lift him, and he was still uselessly writing on the floor. No matter. I would retrieve him later, from Arkham. It wouldn’t be the first, and it likely won’t be the last.

I’m the sort of man who learns from his mistakes. As such, I did not bring Jervis along with me on my next big plan. And in the end, it didn’t even matter. I had allowed Batman to discover my weakness, and of course it was used against me. Here, allow me to set the scene.

“It’s over, Batman, you won’t stop me this time. Take a look! All I have to do is flip that switch, and my Fear Toxin will blanket the entire city. There will be no one left to stop me from taking what I need.”

“What you need, is help, Scarecrow. You’ve taken this fetish of yours one step too far.”

Yes, yes, I’m aware the word “fetish” does indeed describe my penchant for eliciting fear in others. Yes, I am aware the word is not inherently sexual in nature. But it was the way he said it. I instantly knew what he was implying, and I was appalled.

“Fetish? Are you implying– I do not get off to hearing people scream! What kind of twisted pervert do you take me for!”

“So, it’s only Jervis, then?”

It was happening again! Batman had successfully muddled my mind, distracted me, but this time, I’d become aware of it before it became a problem. Or, again, so I assumed.

I did not dignify his mockery with a response. Instead, I dove for the switch, this day would be mine, the Scarecrow was about to become Gotham’s worst nightmare. But it was too late. I had allowed myself to be distracted for far too long. I found myself on the floor, wrapped up tightly in one of his accursed snares. I was carted off to Arkham.

And here I still remain. But, it has given me time to think. As I’d always figured, having feelings for someone has proven to be a weakness to be exploited. It has allowed Batman to play mind games with me, to manipulate me… that is MY job! The Master of Fear, the God of Nightmares, it is I who delves into others minds to find what makes them unravel, and then use it against them. I do not appreciate this tactic being turned against me. Something must be done.

First I will have to pinpoint my condition. If it is simply a matter of lust, the act of castration might suffice. Chemical castration, of course, I am not in the mind to go hacking off any part of my person. But the maddening fact that feelings still linger even after immediately relieving myself, tells me the problem might run deeper than that.

It might be love. And that scares me more than I care to admit. Love is a tricky thing, an emotion not so easily explained, or understood, or eradicated. Distancing myself from him will do no good. They say absence only makes the heart grow fonder, and as much as I loath to say it, it’s very true.

But how could this be love? Am I really so desperate, I cling to the first person to show me kindness? Am I really so weak minded? No. I refuse to believe that. More research is needed, more planning, more observation. I will update as soon as I’ve found a solution. Until then.

Jonathan Crane


End file.
